Cultivating Wonder

On the Road Again...

I was on the drive home today... Well, actually I was on the drive to wander around the mall for a bit (I know, its very very sad but I felt a need to walk and poke at things... I'm really only an occasional mall person) and I was stuck in stop-and-go traffic on I5.  I was having a moment of fascination with people watching in the cars as they passed me or I passed them.  Passengers are amusing and intriguing especially when the only thing on the radio is advertisements for the Shane Co.  And then I noticed one of the more amazing sights I've seen in a long time.  I was watching as a small crane was being used to assemble one of the large construction cranes.  There were about four people standing on the end of the parts of the crane that were assembled guiding in the last piece.  It was so cool!

Face

We call it the face of time.
A cold mechanism of gears and wheels turning circles ever at our will.
Does it feel like feathered eyelashes the briefest glances across it's round glass cheeks?
Does it bear the weight of heavy staring eyes longing?
Does it gather the dreams and wishes of
                  elsewhere
                                    elsewhen
                                                    elsewhy?
And wonder at the minds of us mere beings who gather strength from hope?
Or does it murmur
              bless this moment...
                             bless this moment...
                                            bless this moment...

Pines

The lodgepole pine
nestled in the dark humus
of the fire born earth
grows straight and true.
The goldmine of pioneers
staking out a presence
with fences, and barns
and little houses all snug.

That same seed laid open
on the edge of where
firm shore meets
rolling sea grows too
in wild undulations and
strange discontinuities.
Twisted by salt earth
and long nights of
unending buffeting
by one great tempest
after another.
It cannot deny its destiny
or the Sun, its greatest lover
who blessed it into being.
It's hard, yes, stunted
and sculpted into something
unexpected.  I wonder
when  sap runs under
its hardened skin what
things it remembers and
if it believes it is
any less true.

-- Jessie Bader, 2003

101

Things to be Grateful For:

1) Pressing my ear up to lumps of purring kitty-love.
2) Witnessing fly-by hugs.
3) Hot chocolate on a cold evening.
4) The existance of stars.
5) Being able to pay the heat bill.
6) Silly grins captured on camera.
7) Crows cackling in the rain.
8) Strong wing-beats of honking geese.
9) Learning to identify a Common Merganser.
10) Late night calls to a friend.
11) Voices singing all together.
12) Wrinkly over-large newborn feet.
13) Disturbing stacks of wooley balled yarn.
14) Flannel sheets fresh out of the dryer.
15) Knowing how to type really fast.
16) A stack of papers already graded.
17) Dishes all clean.
18) A long hot shower.
19) Down sleeping bags.
20) Wading large puddles and still having dry feet.
21) Large friendly dogs met on the street.
22) A long walk on a mostly dry day.
23) Rain on a tin roof.
24) Learning to love a new poem.
25) Colored leaves scattered about.
26) Old growth trees all together.
27) A full tank of gas and an unplanned afternoon.
28) Reading the same book 20 times.
29) Discovering a new literary love.
30) The whole house vacuumed.
31) A freshly scrubbed face.
32) Listening to live music.
33) Meeting a new friend.
34) Holding hands with old friends.
35) A new pair of shoes.
36) Buying an airplane ticket.
37) A clean litterbox.
38) The ability to construct origami.
39) My violin.
40) Having a house that is cute as a button.
41) Station wagons.
42) The best parents on the face of the planet.
43) Toasted marshmallows on the beach.
44) Illegal fireworks.
45) Powells books.
46) Wool socks.
47) Art galleries.
48) Microbrews.
49) Square dancing.
50) Wet clay and a pottery studio.
51) Clothes that don't need to be ironed.
52) Educational shows on PBS (I'm watching about Elanor Roosevelt).
53) A backpack and a train ticket.
54) Hardwood floors on a sunny day.
55) Girls gabbing all together.
56) Geeky science stores.
57) Google, its awesome!
58) The existence of a Wikipedia.
59) My annotated and etymological dictionary.
60) Things made of velvet.
61) The sticky roller that gets the cat hair off my clothes.
62) iTunes, and my stereo.
64) The public library.
64) National Geographic and Scientific American.
65) Mentors.
66) Tree frogs.
67) A great find in a thrift store.
68) That one sexy thing purchased full price at a boutique.
69) My feet that love to walk.
70) Learning anything new.
71) Remote controls.
72) The endless energy of middle school students.
73) The 'Aha!' moment.
74) Art on my walls created by people I love.
75) Joseph Campbell and J.R.R. Tolkien.
76) Basement storage.
77) The bell on my bicycle, and the helmet.
78) Bare feet and cute toes.
79) Agates on a wet beach.
80) Snorkeling.
81) My favorite overly squishy pillow.
82) Polar fleece and long underwear.
83) Bunny ears on the T.v
84) A team of good teachers.
85) A favorite pair of jeans.
86) Laundry warm out of the dryer.
87) Colored pencils.
88) Bubble baths.
89) A field of lavender.
90) Sticking my nose inside roses just to figure out which one smells best.
91) Spooning.
92) Taking naps.
93) Owning a powerdrill.
94) Knitting beautiful scarves.
95) My five bookcases, and the books in them.
96) Sneaking homemade popcorn into a movie.
97) Awe inspiring views from high places.
98) Laughing.
99) Kitties playing with crunchy toys.
100) Baskets, all colors, all sizes, all handmade.
101) A really good journal.

Dents are Great!

My friends and I  have been talking lately about the qualities we would love to have in a partner.  I was talking with a girlfriend awhile back and she said something along the lines of she was looking for her "Knight in Shining Armor".  I started to think about that phrase a little more deeply and came the conclusion that in no way do I want a knight in shining armor as a partner.  I want a "Knight in Well Used, Dragon Tested, Banged Up and Repaired by the Knight Himself, Dented Armor".

What woman on earth would really want some pretty-boy that only wears his armor for special occasions and requires that it all be polished and primped?  I've seen the type.  My car is a good example of what it means to be a 'Knight in Dented Armor'.  It is a Station Wagon (yes, I am single with no kids).  Being a wagon it is eternally useful for hauling stuff around, and its kinder on the environment and easier to park than an SUV.  It has been dented to a fair-thee-well due to three years of parking every day on NW 23rd (that, and my friend Molly hit it once with a Land Rover).  It has been bottomed out on a camping trip.  It has cat hair on the seats and waffle-crumbs on the floor.  Yet despite all its abuse it is comforting (it even has butt warmers), has an awesome stereo system, is really fun to drive, and its completely reliable.  That's what I'm talkin about!  I don't really want some man that insists on always looking good.  That's not what its about.  I want someone that just IS good, and awesome and fun to be around and a hero in times of crisis.

  I have been blessed with amazing parents.  One of those parents is my Dad.  He has some of the most well-used armor I have ever seen.  When faced with a crisis or emergency, or even a mild nuicance he just does anything in his power to fix it, because he likes to fix things.  I recently bought an old little house and the cost of energy has been soaring.  When I complain to my Dad he shows up with a hot meal, a programmable thermostat, and insulation (the pink fuzzy kind), and a quote on how much it would cost me to put a door between my kitchen and my basement.  Now there is a KNIGHT!  Love is a programmable thermostat.  Now, any girl loves her dad (if she was really lucky like me) and I'm not looking in any sense for someone just like him, but yet... He is great, and some of those qualities I seek out.  In emergency travel situations he's flexible.  Now, he can also get impatient, demanding, and sometimes swears... but sometimes a little fight is necessary (and occasionally fixes some problems).  Sometimes he doesn't get anywhere with it and he moves on muttering under his breath.  I'm not hoping for a Knight that LOSES all the time (no wusses here!), but one that is willing to go into the fight.

Now, I'm a peacable person, and I like peacable people.  Yet life is brutal.  I'm not looking for war in a relationship (in fact I hate fighting).  But I am looking for someone willing to battle the elements of the world with me.  Even the good relationships require that someone is brave enough to resolve the inevitable conflicts.  And then there are all the outside influences of aging, emotional trauma, physical trauma, disease, and other outside relationships.  I think we are really here to love each other and help each other out in times of crisis.  Sometimes  you just gotta go out there and live life and pick up some dents.